CHRISTMAS IS A HOLIDAY THAT PERSECUTES THE LONELY, THE FRAYED, AND THE REJECTED.

Life has a certain pattern, which becomes programmed to reoccur like roses on wallpaper. At this time of year we all gear up to be happy, because that is what Christmas comes packaged as. Adverts don’t show us anguishing over writing cards, or wrapping presents with tears streaming down our faces. Shops are bright and festive with jolly music blotting out any downcast thoughts. Santa merrily ho ho hos. 

 Those who are lonely frayed and rejected cling to the jollity hoping it will somehow be transferable from one person to another. If we wish enough people a Merry Christmas maybe it will make us merry. We reach out from our comfortable bubble of melancholy and attach ourselves limpet like to any happy person who tries to include us in all this cheer, basking in the warmth of company and hoping they will stop us feeling alone.

 Janet Fitch wrote “Whenever she thought she could not feel more alone, the universe peeled back another layer of darkness.” Happy people give off a glow that cannot be transferred, it is their glow. It cannot be borrowed for a little while and then given back, and it cannot be re- used. However if you are going through a dark patch, Christmas is the time of year when the surrounding light and colour can be seen as a beacon. Use it to guide you towards the happiness of others and in its light you will see clearly for a while. If surrounded by happy people the communal glow can illuminate the gloomiest spirit and burn brightly into the corners of the darkest soul.

 So if you are miserable this Christmas don’t hide away, seek out the life lovers, the givers of light, and though the happiness they radiate will not be yours, that’s the thing about happiness, people want to share it and long after the light has gone, you will still feel a glow.

 “An age is called "dark," not because the light fails to shine but because people refuse to see it”.     James Michener

 Title quote by Jimmy Cannon

“ALL GREAT AND PRECIOUS THINGS ARE LONELY”

Being alone doesn’t always lead to feelings of loneliness, but being lonely always means feeling alone, yet they are two different ways of being. Henry Thoreau wrote “I love to be alone, I never found the companion that was as companionable as solitude” and indeed it is of great comfort to enjoy your own company.

Loneliness on the other hand can be crippling, it's the feeling of living slightly on the outside, always looking in. It has nothing to do with being alone; it is easy to be lonely in a crowd or even within the warmth of your family. It is about belonging, if you don’t feel a connection with the people around you,  that invisible thread that weaves you into each others lives, you can find yourself  not living your own life but acting as an appendage to someone else’s,  never quite belonging and feeling lonely.

We are all lonely for something missing in our lives, sometimes without ever knowing what it is. We blame ourselves for not being able to live alone and be happy, and the lonelier you are the harder it is to stop looking for a reason, to face the world again and join in.

 "You cannot stay in your corner of the forest waiting for others to to come to you.You have to go to them sometimes" said Winnie the pooh.

Feeling lonely does not have to become a way of life, it is temporary state, so if there is no one else, start to self nurture, make a mental list of all the compliments you have received and the good things people have said about you. Tell yourself how loveable you are, what a good friend you would make, and how much you like being you.

Don’t put your life on hold waiting for someone to share it with, if you go out and do things anyway, you will soon find other like minded people doing it too, and you already have a connection.

Title quote by Steinbeck