“REMORSE IS THE POISON OF LIFE”

Jonathon Carroll wrote “It took me less than half a lifetime to realize that regret is one of the few guaranteed certainties. Sooner or later everything is touched by it, despite our naïve and senseless hope that this time we will escape its cold hand on our heart”.

Regret can make us dwell on our failures, believing everything could have turned out so differently. There will always be times when we wish we could change the past, but sometimes the past changes us. Wilcox wrote “We waste half our lives in useless regretting. We sit by old tombs in the dark too long”.

Perhaps if we stop analyzing, stop looking back and trying to figure it all out, we would come to terms with past mistakes accepting that although we cannot go back and change the past, we don’t have to repeat it, we can face the future and let old regrets go.

Regrets are often about crossing the line; it is often a self imposed line we dare not cross, words we want to say, ties we want to break and paths we want to take. Perhaps it is better to cross the line anyway and face the consequences than to stand at the line unable to move forward.

“Forget regret, or life is yours to miss”.        Jonathon Larson

Title quote by Charlotte Bronte

"YOU CANNOT FIND PEACE BY AVOIDING LIFE"

Just like a bully in the school playground, life can sometimes hold you down and make you cry. Like all bullies unless we stand up and fight back it can heap on the misery indefinitely. The secret is not to hide away in order to avoid confrontation, but to come out in the open, gather friends and allies and face life full on. To win against adversity we can not live in fear, like most bullies life will back down if it is faced with courage and conviction.  Amelia Earheart wrote “Courage is the price that life exacts for granting peace”  

Surviving all that life throws at us rarely feels like going to war, most often life isn’t even a battle, it is usually a continuous stream of small skirmishes that drag us down, and knock the fight out of us. Even if faced with a battle it is not always the strongest who win, it’s the one who was absolutely certain that he could win,  Vince Lombardi said “Winning is not everything, but wanting to win is”.   

People rarely succeed because they are destined to, but because they were determined to, so often life's greatest opportunities are hidden in impossible situations. So live life on your terms, never be bullied into living a lesser life than you are capable of, we each play a role in whatever dramas life presents us with, so don’t let your life define you as a victim. Show that you can, and will fight back, with no apologies and no regrets.

“Winners in life don't always win; they just don't give up”.        Unknown

Title quote by Virginia Woolf

“THE ONLY WAY TO HAVE A FRIEND IS TO BE ONE”

Having true friends is often what makes life worthwhile; friendship can be a survival tool through many of life’s struggles. Friends can be morale boosting, tear wiping, and hope inspiring comforters in times of stress and despair. If when we have let ourselves and them down they are also supportive and non-judgmental, then that gives us a value in life, confirmation that they know us well and like us anyway.

We often think that making friends is easy and that it is keeping them that is hard to achieve, but at times when we really need friends we are often at our lowest and a past littered with rejection brings fear to any new encounter. Being vulnerable we are more prepared for rejection than acceptance and if pushed away too often we will often seek out rejection as our due.  Shirley Maclaine said “Fear makes strangers of those who would be friends”.

So don’t seek out friendship, Ziglar states “If you are looking for a friend you’re going to find them very scarce, if you go out to be a friend, you will find them everywhere”.  Attaching yourself to someone and delivering all their bidding will not make them your friend as friendship is not built on self interest. Friendship is as much about being given the freedom and space to be you as it is about belonging.

 "The most beautiful discovery that true friends can make is that they can grow separately without growing apart."       Elizabeth Foley

Title quote by Ralph Waldo Emerson

“I AM THE MASTER OF MY FATE; I AM THE CAPTAIN OF MY SOUL"

For some of us control is a coping mechanism, only when we can design and orchestrate every aspect of our life do we feel safe. If nothing is left to chance then nothing can go wrong, there are no surprises and no confusion. Planning and preparation become all consuming for even the smallest task and the success of the plan becomes more important than the outcome of the task.

Of course it makes no sense to worry about things we have no control over because worry won’t change anything, but when we worry about losing control of things we are in charge of, then worry becomes its own control and that’s when it can stop us being productive.

The anxiety of taking a chance, going with the flow or seeing how things go, can be terrifying for those who need to be in control. Not having a plan can be paralyzing, but being in control every minute of the day is all consuming, and the trouble is life takes little notice of your plan and carries on around you, creating obstacles and dictating change.

Stress is related to control and as control of the plan slips away, panic sets in and stress causes us to fight for repossession.

Control is powerful but it is also exhausting, and once we stop trying to control everything our lives often stop being driven and become interesting and fulfilling.

 “When you are in charge of your life, you tend not to care about losing control of things that don’t really matter, like traffic jams”.      Martin Henner

Title quote by William Earnest Henley

“WHEN WE ARE NO LONGER ABLE TO CHANGE A SITUATION, WE ARE CHALLENGED TO CHANGE OURSELVES”.

No matter how many times you have tried and failed, you can always start again; life is a journey that comes full circle so that when you think something is ending, you could equally be standing at the start of something new.  Jonathon Huie wrote “Celebrate endings for they precede new beginnings”.

Failure leaves a long legacy and much as we yearn to start afresh memory makes us resist, continued failure makes it feel like we are setting off down the same familiar road to disappointment.

 Disenchantment with an old plan can create the energy for change. Martin Luther King wrote “Change does not roll in on the wheels of inevitability but comes through continuous struggle”.

Change is about action and reaction; we do not seek to change the gentle ebb and flow of annoyance in the rhythm of an otherwise contented life. However a life punctuated by disaster and disillusionment motivates even the weakest of us to strive for change. Changing the way we did things in the past gives us a second chance to get it right, so dropping the weight of whatever did not work, influences our decision to change expectations, change goals and change direction. Become stronger, push harder, because nothing is sure, except to know that if we do not change everything will stay the same. 

Title quote by Victor Frankl